The One Where Monica Meets Monique
by Gothic-Angels
Summary: CHAPTER 5 NOW UP! The last chapter you have been waiting for.... find out what Joey and Chandler got up to! Also planning a sequel.... REVIEW!
1. Ross's Date To Dine

**DISCLAIMER**: I do not own any of these Friends characters, (as much as I would like to), so don't sue me please? lol, thanks.

**AUTHOR'S NOTE **This fanfic is set in the early days of Friends. When Ross has just split up with Carol, and Pheobe is now currently pregnant with triplets. There will probably be (eventually) five chapters... if i get enough reviews! So please, please and please read & review. Otherwise, it won't be worth reading, will it? All reviews - flames and all welcome! Okay... i'll just leave you alone to read this, shall I......?

**Ross's Date To Dine**

In the early hours of Manhattan, a particular Monica was awake and cooking breakfast for Ross, Joey and Chandler - who sat around the circular table, each engaged with their own private activity. Well, in Joey's case... food. Ross seemed anxious, pushing his peas around the plate, until he finally broke the news.

"Oh yeah... um, I forgot to tell you guys... er, my girlfriend is coming around for dinner tonight." Ross announced this nervously, searching for a sign of approval from his friends.

However, Joey spat out a mouthful of Cappacino which he had previously been drinking, " You have a girlfriend!??"

Chandler looking calm and slightly amused at the information, placed his New York Times down and said, "No Joey, let me clarify this one for you. Ross, this date of yours... she's not by any chance a girl, is she?"

Ross shot a nasty look at Chandler, "Yes, as a matter of fact, she_ is _a girl.... a-and what is so surprising about that, huh?"

"Oh," Chandler said airly, with a hint of sarcasm, " It's nothing to do with the fact that your ex-wife preferred women to men!"

"Oh my God - you are still talking about Carol?! I'm like Carol? What Carol? It's like, I'm totally over Carol!" Ross's enthuastic repetition of the word 'Carol' proved that he still clearly had feelings for her.

Monica who had been unusually quiet before, piped up, "YOU - over Carol?? That's not what I saw when I cleaned your bedroom yesterday!"

" I cannot believe you think I'm still in love with Carol, just because I keep her underwear under my pillow!"

Monica looked confused, "What underwear? I was talking about the _photo _of Carol you kept."

"Oh." Ross, smiling sheepishly, looking thoroughly embarassed by the news he had just exposed.

Okay, I hope you liked that. I know it is short, but the other chapters are much longer. Please tell me what you think, so REVIEW! hehehe.... the following chapters will be hilarious when Monica meets Ross's girlfriend - who is just as obssessive as cleaning as she is and loves cooking. i dont want to reveal too much, so review soon - and i will update soon!


	2. Pheobe's Psychic Torture Experiment

DISCLAIMER: hmm... i've talked about not owning the characters before, havent i? i dont wanna go into it.....

AUTHOR'S NOTE I know that i've talked about introducing Ross's girlfriend soon.... but it is not in this chapter. nope, you've gotta wait for chapter 4 - which won't come unless you REVIEW! lol, plz? In this chapter it starts wiv only Rachel and Pheobe, in Pheobe's apartment. Got that? good..... oh yeah, also you have to understand that Pheobe is pregnant and she has these mood swings... so one minute she's evil, and the next she's frustrated. Okay? just read...........

**Pheobe's Psychic Torture Experiment**

Pheobe opened the door to her apartment, whilst holding a circular tray, filled to the brim with supicious looking yellow liquid.

Rachel, who had long got used to Pheobe's oddities, asked mildly, "What's that for Pheebs?"

"You."

"Me?!"

"Yes.... don't you remember that you booked an appointment with me, to take a look at your future?" Pheobe said, quite impatiently.

"I did?" Rachel asked, with a confused expression.

"Erm, there might be a slim chance that I've mistaken you for someone else." Pheobe said thoughtfully, "Anyway, it doesn't matter. Okay... the first step is to put your feet inside this tray."

"What is it?" asked Rachel, curiously.

"JUST PUT YOUR DAMN FEET INSIDE!!"

"Woah, sure.... Pheebs." Rachel looked shocked at the sudden outburst.

"I'm so_ sorry_, Rach.... it's these mood swings I'm getting from my pregnancy...." Pheobe moaned.

Rachel placed her arm around Pheobe's shoulders, (her feet still soaking in the overflowing tray.) She said reassuringly, "Awwww..... Pheebs, I'll always be there for you......"

"GET THE HELL OFF ME, YOU BIG PUSSY!!" Pheobe yelled at the startled Rachel.

"I'm just trying to help you!" Rachel exclaimed.

"I'm just trying to help you!" Pheobe mimicked.

"Look," Rachel said, her patience running out, "Are you going to take a look at my future or what?!"

"Okay.... just don't EVER tamper with a psychic's temper..... right, let me see your hands. Woah! I've never seen such dry and ugly hands with so many wrinkles! You should really try using cream, Rach... eurgh, I don't even want to touch them!"

It seemed as if Pheobe was deliberately trying to hurt Rachel, through her mood swings. But at that precise moment, the door bell rang.

DING - DONG!

"I'll get that..." Pheobe stood up, "But I'm not finished with you yet, Rachel Green." she said, somewhat threatingly.

"Saved by the bell," muttered Rachel.

It was Joey at the door, carrying yet another tray......... of mud!

"Hi Pheobe, erm.. well, here is the mud you asked me to bring over. What do you need it for?" Joey asked.

"Well... it's for Rachel. A little 'Psychic Torture Experiment' I have for her!"

"Sounds good," Joey nodded his head, although he had not understood what Pheobe had just said, 'Erm, can I have this mud back when you've finished? It's just that I took it from Monica's pot plants......"

"Yeah, whatever - just put the tray of mud on the table."

Joey walked inside the room and placed the mud on the antique table. But as he turned around, he looked horrified when he saw Rachel.

"THAT'S MY POTTY!!" Joey yelled, pointing at the tray where Rachel's feet was soaked in.

"Y-your WHAT?!" cried Rachel.

"My potty! I was looking for it last night! I haven't emptied it for days!!!!"

For a moment Rachel looked ready to kill. But she soon recovered from her state of shock as she yelled, "EURGH!!! PHEOBE!!!!" running out of the apartment, barefooted, and soaking the carpet with....... Joey's waste.

All Pheobe could say was, "Hey, mind the carpet, Rach! It's from Persia!"

Well... hey, that was chapter 2!!! Thank you so so so much for everyone that had reviewed, is reviewing, and is gonna review! Tell me if you like this... & i will continue. chapter 3 comin up.... about joey trying to audition for a GAY HAIRDRESSER, and asks Chandler for tips. okay... i wont go into detail, but look forward to chapter 4.....


	3. Chandler's Hidden Talent

DISCLAIMER: You know the drill....

AUTHOR'S NOTE Thank you so so much for all the reviews I've been getting - i really appreciate them! But i could do with more reviews.... and thank you to tinks1389 who pointed out my error about Ross's ex-wife is called 'Carol' and not 'Susan.' I've corrected this in the first chapter. This scene takes place in Joey's and Chandler's apartment. Although Joey is on his own at the beginning....

Joey returned to his apartment holding his beloved and treasured possession, his 'Potty.' He emptied the contents of the bowl outside the window in which the reply was a high-pitched scream from an unlucky passerby. Joey simply shrugged his shoulders. Just then, the phone rang.

RING-RING! Joey answered the phone.

"Wait," Joey said childlishly down the phone, "Let me guess who you are first.... don't tell me... Pizza Guy!"

"Ahem! I'm a woman."

"Oh... Pizza Woman?"

"It's Estelle - your agent!"

"But - "

" No buts, and shut up"! came the hoarse reply, " I got you that audition you wanted for that show... you know all the details..."

"That's great! I owe you one! Thank you, erm....Pizza Woman?"

"The name is Estelle, and you now owe me fifty-one!

With that, Esther slammed the phone down. Moments later, Chandler walked in.

"Hey!" an excited Joey said, "I got an audtion to be a lead in the show!"

"That's brilliant! What's the part like?"

" Well, erm... it's a lead in a show called 'The Homo's' and this guy I'm auditioning for is a hairdresser... very classy... and well, um... gay." Joey finished the sentence lamely.

"What?!" Chandler was in stiches, "You're audtioning for a gay hairdresser?!"

"Well yeah," Joey looked visibly upset, " I was wondering if you could help me out for the audtion - y'know tips... for tonight."

"Me?! Why me?!"

"Come on! You are more of a woman than I am! I'v e seen those G-strings you've hidden! Just look at you name - Chandler! What kind of girly name is that?!"

"What?!" Chandler looked offended.

"I mean, um..." Joey tried to reddem himself, "...you are kinda good with the walk..."

"Well, I can't say that I'm no good," Chandler replied rather modestly. "It all comes rather naturally to me."

"Well where do we start?" Joey relieved that his best riend was no longer angry with him.

"With the hands you hang it loose on the wrist," Chandler instructed Joey expertly, "And try to walk with your butt sticking out."

Joey imitated Chandler. He wore an unusual serious look which did not suit him at all. They strutted towards their bedrooms, backs facing the front door. They turned their heels to see Ross at the front door, in a fit of suppressed giggles, which soon turned into a roar of laughter.

"We weren't doing anything!" Chandler rushed on, at once.

"Yeah.... I believe you." Ross said sarcastically.

"He was just showing me some of his moves!" Joey blurted out.

"I betcha he was!" Ross laughed, who found this conversation getting more and more entertaining by the second.

"Anyway, why are you here for...?" Chandler asked, who was deliberately trying to change the subject.

"I'm just taking some food for dinner with my date, Monique, tonight. Monica's cooking." Ross replied, whilst taking food from the fridge.

"Why don't you just take her out for dinner?" Joey asked.

"Because... it's m-more romantic to eat inside..." Ross stammered, clearly not telling the truth.

"It's cos you're broke right?" Joey said knowingly.

"Oh yeah, I'm broke alright." Ross replied knowing he had been sussed out.

"Been there done that." was Joey's reply.


	4. Monica Vs Monique

DISCLAIMER: _All these Manhattan figurines belong to... Martha Kauffman_!

AUTHOR'S NOTE: _This is Chapter 4... the chapter you've all been waiting for! Thank you so much for everyone that reviewed... so keep on reviewing and I will write chapter five!!! This chapter takes place in Ross's apartment._

**Monica Vs Monique**

Monica was cooking up her famous dishes in Ross's aparment, when Ross came in the front door with Monique. Monique had short brown hair and brown eyes, like Monica.

"Hey, Monica," Ross called out to his sister, who was still cooking, "This is Monique - and Monique, this is Monica." Ross made the introduction.

"Where is the doormat?" asked Monique in a diva-like tone, "I _always_ wipe my shoes before entering a house," she looked around the apartment with disgust, "I just _hate _germs," she continued.

"Hey, I don't live here!" Monica said, surprised by Monique's attitude.

Monique, who ignored what Monica had just said, was now staring at Monica with a shocked expression, "Oh my god - Monica! You know, you should always hold a frying pan at arms length. You don't want to add any more pus-filled boils to that already spotty face." Monique said knowingly.

Monica was really starting to lose her temper. _Who was that girl? _ Monica thought angrily. _ She hasn't been here for two minutes, and she is already acting like she owns the place! _It was time she had a word with Ross.

"Psst!" Monica hissed to get Ross's attention.

"What?!" Ross whispered.

Monique, was oblivious to the private conversation of Ross and Monica, because she was too busy examining the underside of the table.

"Come here!" Monica whispered urgently.

Monica searched around for a suitable place where Ross and her could chat privately. Monica finally resorted to the fridge. She opened the fridge door and grabbed Ross's head inside.

"Did you just hear what Monique said about my face?!" Monica said furiously.

"Erm...no?" Ross tried the innocent look. It didn't work.

"Listen to me!" Ordered Monica, "I don't like her one bit. You had better get her out of here before I put the boils on _her_ face!"

"But I promised she could stay for dinner!" Ross protested, "...and you two could really hit it off - she loves cleaning as much as you do!"

"I don't care! She can stay for dinner, but after that she's outta here. Do you hear me?!"

"I can't hear much, cos my ears are getting slightly frozen here...." Ross said cheekily.

Monica pulled Ross out of the fridge.

Ross walked to the dinner table where Monique already sat.

"I cannot believe this, Ross!" Monique said in a loud whisper.

"What?!"

"This table is not even entirely _symmetrical_. I mean... what _was_ she thinking?!" Monique speaking in an audible whisper.

"Dinner is served!" Monica announced.

"And about time too..." Monique muttered.

Monica placed a white dish onto the table.

"Ewwwww.... what is this?" Monique complained, pinching the slimy ball, between her index finger and thumb.

"It's frog legs. A delicacy from France." Monica said, with an air of someone was explaining to a child, that one plus one was two.

"You do know that frog legs has to be prepared with precision? I mean... what _is_ this on my plate? Well, it isn't food to me!"

"What is with you? I _am_ a chef you know!"

"Oh yeah, a chef at the 'Slimy Food 'r' Us' takeway." Monique said sarcastically.

"That's enough! Do you think you know how to cook any better???" Monica's temper was now rising.

"Oh, yes! I can cook, in fact - I can do anything that you can do - better than you!" Monique's voice raising, "Isn't that right, Ross?"

Ross, who had been silent all the time, now had Monique and Monica staring at him in fury. However, Ross had been silently tucking into his dinner.

"Erm... I dunno, but this tastes pretty damn good." Ross indicated to the frogs legs.

"ROSS!" Exclaimed Monique.

"Fine, lets have a contest!" Monica suggested angrily.

"I'll take you on!" Monique shouted.

"So, who judges?" Ross said, his mouth still full of frog legs.

"YOU!" Shouted Monica and Monique in chorus.

"What!?" Ross exclaimed, "That's ridiculous... you're my sister... and you're my girlfriend..."

"I don't care!" Monique spat out, now losing her cool, " I'm gonna bring her down big time!"

Ross lapsed into his own thoughts, _hmmm... how can this competition be of my advantage? Aha! I've got it!_

"Okay," Ross said steadily, "First of all, we'll have a cleaning contest. Monica cleans out my bedroom and Monique cleans out the living room... whoever tidies the most cleanest...and whoever uses the most effective cleaning agent... wins, erm..." Ross scanned around the apartment for a suitable prize, "...Um, this _magnificent_ duster! Courtesy from me." Ross added rather unnecessarily.

"That duster is as good as mine!" Monica's competitive streak was showing.

"You better eat your words!" Monique equalled her rival in competitiveness.

"Harsh words! I like it!" Ross exclaimed, beginning to feel the heat of the contest, "Okay...1...2...3...GO!"

Monica and Monique crashed into each other as they made way for their destined cleaning areas. They scrubbed furiously at stubborn stains, they wiped, they vacuumed and in Monica's case, she painted the walls, (she went a little over the top, as usual.)

Ross just laid on the sofa watching soccer. _This is great _he thought to himself, _It's like having cleaners without paying their wages!_ Ross praised himself for his cleverness.

Meanwhile, Monica was putting finishing touches to Ross's bedroom. When Monique came in.

"ROSS!" Monica screamed, "She's cheating! She's looking at my room!"

Ross stood at the doorway, "Let me see..." he said, pretending to flick through an imaginary book in the air, "Erm... nope, there's no rule against inspecting each other's rooms!"

"Besides... I'm finished!" boasted Monique.

"Finished?!" Monica was surprised, but soon recovered, "I mean... finished? So am I!"

It was Ross's turn to be surprised, "Finished?!" Ross clearly hadn't thought his plan through. Who was he going to declare winner now? He didn't want to offend Monique... and certainly didn't want to offend Monica... having seen her fiery temper...

"Well, oh yeah! I forgot... erm, uh... I've got that appointment.... for my um, brain. Yes - brain surgery! So, I guess I gotta go... bye!"

Ross tried to make a run for it, but Monica grabbed his shirt.

"Oh no, you don't !" Monica started.

"You're not going anywhere until you say that I am the winner!" Monique said bossily.

"Well... um..." Ross stuttered.

"I'll do whatever you want me to do in your bedroom tonight..." Monique said softly.

"I'll tell everyone about your dinosaur that you can't sleep without!" Monica teased.

"Hey! Leave Mr T-Rex out of this!" Ross shouted.

"Look. Honey. Just tell us which room you think is cleaner!" Monique said whilst stroking his hand.

Ross lasped into his thoughts, once again. _How could I make this situation even more to my advantage? Aha! I've got it! _

"Seeing as I _really _can't decide, as_ both _the rooms are _equally_ as clean as each other... I'll just have to see how good you are as cooks...."

"Cook??" Monique blurted out.

"What's the matter, Monique? Too scared to take me on?" Monica said challengingly.

"Yeah, right!" Monique said sarcastically.

"So, what do you want to eat, Ross?" asked Monica.

"Hmm..." Ross said whilst slumping into the armchair, "And I will have a salad with no mayo...."

"Coming right up!" Monica said cheerfully.

"And... chicken casserole dipped in curry with triangular shaped carrots." Ross requested to Monique.

"You've got it."

So what did you think of chapter 4? PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE REVIEW! thanks


	5. Chandler Got It

DISCLAIMER: For more information about disclaimer, go to chapters 1 to 5 to find out. hehehe

AUTHOR'S NOTE: Sorry that I haven't been updating for a while.... school work and blah blah. I love every single reviews you send me! So carry on sending them.... this is, as you know, the last chapter! But I am planning on either a sequel or maybe just adding on the chapters. You decide, by sendin me **reviews** of course... Please tell me what you want me to do...

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Chandler Got It

_Now this is living it large_, Ross thought dreamily as he lied down on the sofa.

Before long, Ross was tucking into his favourite meals, and savouring the taste with every bite. Order after order left Ross more bloated than ever. Before he had the chance to start on his pudding (trifle with strawberry toppings), Chander and Joey came into the apartment.

"What is cooking?" Chander asked, sniffing the air.

"That is... um, pizza with anchovies, mushroom and..... crust filled cheese." Joey said, whilst his eyes were closed - he had described_ exactly _what Monica was cooking! Joey's passion for food (mainly eating) led to his impressive detection for food, just by his sense of smell.

Chandler and Ross stared at Joey in amazement.

"You're good." Ross said to Joey.

"I know!" shouted Monica from the kitchen.

Joey, Chandler and Ross raised their eyebrows.

"Anyway..." Ross began, "Check this out guys - I've got two girls running around like dogs, cooking_ whatever _I want! All I gotta do is click my fingers!"

"How on earth did you manage that??" Chander exclaimed.

Ross thought carefully and said, "'Cos I'm a babe magnet!"

Chander and Joey exchanged glances and bursted out of laughing,

"Yeah, right!" Joey was in stitches.

"I don't get it - what's so funny?!" Ross asked, but the reply was a guffaw from his friends.

"Anyway..." Ross said cautiously, "How did your audition go, Joey?"

Joey had previously phoned Ross and asked if he could borrow some of the underwear from Carol (for the audition)... and the answer was a firm, 'No.' Therefore, Joey had to explain everything.

"For that gay hairdresser? Nah, I didn't get the part. I really wanted to..." Joey said in a pained way, "But Chander got it."

"WHAT?! Chander didn't audition, did he?!" Ross could hardly believe his ears.

"No, Chandler just came along with me to the auditions to cheer me on. But as soon as Chandler walked through the door, the director was like 'You got the part!' apparently Chandler had 'the aquired moves.' Oh yeah, he also 'looked the part.' Me and the other auditionees didn't even get the chance to audition!" Joey explained.

It was Ross's turn to laugh, "Oh my god - Chandler _please _tell me that you refused the part!"

"I didn't..." Chandler muttered, his face turned bright red, "I'm still thinking about it...." Chandler's voice trailed off.

"So, what's your secret?" Ross teased.

"Being myself." Was the reply from Chandler.

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That was it! I'm sorry that it was short... but that was how it was planned to be! please, Please, PLEASE review! click on the lonely button that says 'click to review' and you're halfway there.... anway, if you want to find out what happens to Chandler and his big movie... and what happened to Pheobe and Rachel..... and more importantly the rivals Monica and Monique.... just review!!!! thanx.


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